I think we'll be ok.

Don't forget to smile at your loved ones. The absence of small gestures wears at the heart.

Neither of us were happy. I don't know why it got taken out on each other, but it did.

Last weekend, we were sick. In our illness, we reconnected. He smiled at me. at ME. I felt my heart melt. I missed seeing a smile - something that let me know I wasn't a total failure.

So, "please", "thank you", and smiles. Little things. But give them to those your cherish. Please.

Alone, But Never Lonely

This may come as a shock to you, but Ben and I separated today. I'm not sure how long it will last or if it will be permanent.

I do know that we are good friends, and I will always care for him very much.

This is something that we have been fighting for months and it's just time it happened, I guess.

A lot of my hopes and dreams got put on hold when I married Ben. the summer we got married, I was going to study in Mexico for two months. An experience I so desperately wanted. But I put it off because he proposed. I was also supposed to pursue my education further, but that had to wait until Ben finished his.

When we were married, I was promised the life of a stay at home mom. I would do the work of a housekeeper and that of a mother as my share of the household. Here it is, two and a half years later and I am a housekeeper, a cook, a chauffeur, a secretary, an accountant, a psychologist, a tutor for my son, and a volunteer in his classroom. And on top of it all, I work a normal job and bring income to the table. I make $800-$1,200 a month. If I were to work in a "normal" job, I'd make $1,100-$1,500, but we'd have to pay upwards of $600 in childcare.

If you could put a worth on the unpaid work that I do, I would be a very valuable person. Just because I work from the comfort of my own home in my pajamas doesn't mean I am sitting on my butt playing video games all day. I work 8 hours a day. And then there is still more to do.

But that's the problem. There's still more to do. So when my husband comes home from his 8 hour shift and sees the "more stuff to do", he assumes it's because I have done nothing all day. I have gone as far as writing out my schedule to try to prove to him that I work hard, but he does not care. It's rare that he has a kind word for me about my work or what I contribute to the household. Quite the opposite, in fact.

So what my marriage has come down to is this: I am overworked and underpaid and underappreciated. I wouldn't mind this if I got a little recognition and thanks every once in a while. He is unhappy because the house isn't in the order it would be in if that's all I was - a housekeeper and mother. But I also have to work for money, which prevents me from this pristine house he desires, and the one I desire too.

So we both work our 8 hour days, and then I'm expected to do more on top of it, while he takes his 40 minute long showers, his 20 minutes hiding out in his room when he gets home, his endless browsing of 9gag.com... while I continue to herd the kids without a single break all day.

He is tired of this lifestyle and wants me to do more in less time. I am tired of being worthless in his eyes. I would, just for one day, like him to work from home and take care of Nick while he does it. Then to take Topher to and from school. And to volunteer in his class. And to wrap presents and to do the shopping and the dishes and the laundry and scrub the toilets and pick up and make dinner and change the litter box and comfort his grumpy bi-polar spouse and then be told that he's not doing enough.

Just once. I just want to be understood. I just want "thank you". I just want a husband who is happy with who he married. But he's not, and I'm not. So for now, we have parted ways.

I cried at first. But now I feel ok. I feel relieved. I feel like the worst is over and I can handle whatever else follows.

So whether it is "see you later" or "farewell", I can handle it, even though my heart is heavy.